侘寂
by icecream26
Summary: When had he ever had a companion for his loneliness? Nevertheless, he accepted the shy yet alluring Hyuga into his life expecting her quietness to maintain his mundane life. However, the radiance that is Hinata brought forth an abrupt guest that could not be erased in his soul nor in his spirit. Sasuke always considered love to be unexpected, and uninvited, company. Feudal AU.
1. Part 1 Chapter 1

**Part 1: Impermanence**

"Concubine?" Hinata inquired before yelping as her hair was yanked back.

"Yes, concubine. Don't you know?" Kurenai asked in an almost pitiful tone. Hinata shook her head, or tried to, with the hands still gripping her thick, midnight black hair.

Her mentor sighed, combing through her hair gently. "It's when a man has another woman, besides his wife."

Hinata's eyes widened, surpised by this new bout of information. "But... why would he want that? And why would a woman want to do that to someone else?"

"Well, you see," Kurenai's gentle voice began, "some people they are too busy to be at home. They're always travelling and it is not like he can bring his wife and children along with him. However, men are men and they need things that only women can provide. Some do not mind if that woman is not their wife.

"The woman... well there's many reasons. Many people think they do it because they want wealth and status. Others think they want to ruin marriage. Sometimes... sometimes they might do it for another reason. But, Hinata, never, _never_ , think you know the reason why. _Never_ think you know someone completely. Although, I know you're the last one I need to tell any of this to."

* * *

She looked beautiful and elegant, a graceful, white _Tsunokakushi_ laid upon her head and. Her attire also consisted of a white _K_ _imono_ with lavender linings, and the dress was elaborate with multiple layers. It was quite heavy, and it was surprising how Hinata's small frame could handle the weight of it.

There were no tears during the ceremony, there was only solemn acceptance. Her younger sister had merely hugged her, and she turned before Hinata could see any wetness brimming her eyes. It wasn't that upsetting, Hinata tried to convince herself. She was getting married within the village, her family could visit. Although her husband's place of stay was at the near end of the village, the place that had not been inhabited for almost two decades, if it allowed her to stay within her sister she had no qualms.

The only issue was her clan. They had negotiated for a long time, trying to secure Hinata a place that would benefit them greatly, and having anymore connections to her clan after her marriage would worry the elders into thinking that the marriage was not well. They could not let her fail, Hinata _knew_ , because this agreement was much too beneficial for everyone.

But Hinata knew Hanabi, and Hanabi would willingly defy anything that stood in between them both.

"Please don't be irrational."

Hanabi cleared her eyes quickly and looked away, signalling that she would probably not heed her sisters wishes.

"Hanabi, I'm asking you, this is my final command as your sister."

The younger sister let out an uncharacteristic snort. "This is your _only_ command as my sister."

"Hanabi," Hinata cut in sharply, and her sister was surprised by the piercing gaze she gave her, "I'm serious."

"I'll... try to."

"You know I love you right? But now, you must take care of father, OK? Don't worry about me, I'm in good hands."

"You married a mad man!"

"Father comes first," Hinata's voice was back to its smooth, delicateness, "if something happens to you or father..."

Hanabi nodded her head warily as her sister broke off. When Hinata reached in for another hug, a sadness tugged at her heart yet surprisingly tears did not sting her eyes. She was afraid bidding a farewell to her sister would have made her loose the years of composure she had worked so hard to maintain.

 _Funny_ , she thought dryly, the day she was no longer a Hyuga she felt as if she had finally become one.

* * *

"This is our room. There are several rooms in the compound, I could not care less if you take another one. There are two rooms, however, you cannot visit and they are among the ones upstairs, so, just as a suggestion, avoid the top floor in general. If you believe this room to be dull or unappealing and are itching to redecorate it, I suggest you release that pent up creativity for other rooms as I prefer this one to remain as is. But, that _creativity_ should be for the rooms only, I don't wish to see anything else changed.

"Put your things wherever you wish, although I prefer the compound to be spotless whenever I come to Konoha. You needn't worry about my food choices. For the bathrooms, same thing applies for the rooms. Don't visit the top floor, keep this one as is, but do whatever you please for the ones leftover. You don't need to ask my for money, feel free to use it whenever to purchase anything you desire. The garden is also open to you."

Hinata looked at the floor as her groom listed out the commands, his voice nonchalant yet brimming with iciness. Her brain sped up to remember every command, yet it could not register all of them simultaneously. She was nervous. No, she was _petrified_. In all honesty she was scared of this man. All of Konoha was scared of this man! Her mind tried to juggled with all the things she should not do to anger him, yet she had to be wary that whatever she was currently doing was not already getting on his nerves.

She had heard stories, about men beating their wives over the simplest things, verbally abusing them to a mere shell, breaking them apart in invisible ways. And although she had realized from a young age that would be her fate, even after her wedding she was terrified. Hinata began her own path of unconscious critique, from her posture to her silence, from her shifting to the pitiful look that must be on her face. Her father had embedded it within her, to point out her ever constant flaws before anyone else could. _What a meek type of_ strength...

"For your own comfort, I'd suggest you to change."

Hinata snapped from her reverie and looked up at her husband quickly and fearfully, looking away almost immediately as she had looked. Although most of Konoha feared him now, at one point most of Konoha _loved_ him. He was much more hardened than in his youth, much sharper, much wiser. She had only a few glimpses when she was young, and never had she denied his dignified existence to be anything short of exquisite. Yet, that's how far her admiration went, a nod to his looks and talent, that was it.

It was quite ironic that they ended up married, both dark and quiet, one painfully shy and the other bitingly cold. Pale skin, beautiful eyes, elegantly poised, one was like the moon and the other its reflection on water. Bound by family, raised in their siblings shadow, both carrying heavy burdens of pain they other knew nothing about, they had _too_ much in common it seemed.

"Y-yes. P-please excuse m-me." Hinata replied clumsily, trying her best to bow despite the faintness that gripped her body.

There was no spark, no heated gazes, no hasty actions. Two individuals, both too far from each in age, experience, and thoughts no matter how close their respective situations might bring them. The ripple in the water would always obscure the image of the moon.

"There's a _Kimono_ behind the _Byōbu_."

Hinata made her way behind the screen doors, huffing a silent breath of relief when she made her way behind it. "Thank you!"

She heard no reply, but she was aware he had heard her. She began to fix her rapid breathing and soothe her beating heart. She felt her cheeks and wasn't surprised to find them heated. After a few moments, she began to undress herself.

* * *

Exiting the _Byōbu_ , she was surprised to find her husband on his side, his body on the _futon_ , the comforter lay discarded.

Nervousness then began crawling its way into her. Was she supposed to sleep here? Was she supposed to tell him she was done? Was he waiting for her and fell asleep? Hinata chewed on her bottom lip nervously. At least she was prepared what was going to _happen_ on her wedding night. It had shocked her greatly, but Kurenai had told her that it was necessary. For the longest time, Hinata was disgusted and embarrassed to continue to hear more, but her kind mentor had explained that it was better to feel those emotions one at a time during then, than to experience them all together in one night. She explained the beauty behind the actions, and how one day she might experience them in joy instead of fear Hinata thanked Kami that Kurenai had told her what she had, because, mixed with the shakiness of her fingers and the tiredness of today, she would have certainly fainted if her husband even began to follow through with the actions she had been forewarned about.

When he refused to turn his back to her after a few moments, she decided to lay down as far as respectfully possible. She placed the thick, silk comforter upon herself, and attempted to settle down without much hassle.

 _He's so quiet_ , she wondered. The room was quiet, so quiet that she could hear the flames of the candle dancing. _Such a quick sleeper, even with the candle still aflame?_

The room, she surveyed, was large and wooden. There was minimal decoration, yet the ones that were evident was elegant and stylish. The _Byōbu_ she had changed behind was one of the most beautiful ones she had laid her eyes upon. Upon it was a large tree, littered with red, blue and lavender flowers along with a flowing river in black and magnificent black birds flying. There was a _chabudai_ towards her husband's side, and on it was what appeared to be a bonsai tree that had not been taken care of properly. It was overgrown, and looked brittle and aged. Above it was a small window covered with a _s_ _udare_. There was a large ink painting behind her head, and on it appeared to be a beautiful mountain landscape.

Hinata froze when he shifted, and her heart began to beat rapidly as his body turned to the left, facing her. Hinata continued to stare at the ceiling, her mouth going dry. She felt a burning sensation on her right cheek, knowing he was staring at her, studying her. She immediately felt self conscious. _Was he pinpointing her flaws?_ Without even realizing it, she tilted her head towards him, her eyes glancing at him as well.

It wasn't shy, almost nil like last time, but it was still reserved. His was a more blatant stare, and he was looking at every corner of her face, sometimes even farther than that. There was a concentrated look on his face, as if he were studying closely and Hinata felt herself blush once again. His face outlined in the candle light looked more sharp, his pale skin illuminating in the semi lit room. His strong jaw and cheek bones looked so perfectly sculpted that Hinata felt a wave of second hand embarrassment. _Him_ with _her_? It was such an disappointing feat with someone who possessed much more potential. Although he towered her when standing, his lean figure did not possess as much of an imposing feel when lying down, yet Hinata wondered why she still felt so small. It was his eyes, she decided, that glinted like gemstones but she had yet to see a stone that had such a dark colour.

With a silent sigh, he moved above her and her eyes followed his elegant movements languidly, her breath still held. He bent down and touched his lips with her own, slowly and gently. His hands didn't wrap around hers. Her eyes shut when her stomach did a flip, and her arms felt heavy beside her as they itched to hold on to something for support. His lips guided her slowly, not becoming passionate yet holding a feeling of comfort.

Just as quickly as it came, it went, and her eyes shot open. His hands began to remove the blanket she was wrapped in and Hinata simply watched. His actions reminded of the acceptance that had long been registered within her.

"The candle, would you like me to extinguish it?"

It was for a few seconds but Hinata caught it. His eyes darted to hers and they furrowed, just a bit but it was there, and then, without turning his face, his eyes quickly glanced around before going back to the task at hand.

"It's fine."

Hinata looked at the ceiling yet again as his deft fingers found the _obi_.

When his cold hands touched her skin, her fingers touched her warm lips, and her eyes imagined the moon that shone beyond the wooden ceiling.

* * *

 ** _Author's Notes:_**

 _Hello again! it is I, the frenchiest fry, back with another story! now_ _I know arranged marriage fics are very popular in SasuHina fandom and yes my other fanfic also deals with it but guess what? I'm still writing this lmaooooo. This is like a combo of my other two fics, ones arranged marriage and the other is feudal and this is both, but this is with another pairing so different situation, different things yada yada yada. I actually love SasuHina and was really looking forward to posting this. Boy the summary and title took a long time (still not completely satisfied with either) but hey, I still wanted to post this. As I mentioned in my first fic, this fanfic is gonna be fast and like not too deep (although it sounds pretty angsty right now lol) but hey, all that might change as the story progresses._

 _I actually put in a **reallyyyyy** small foreshadow, I wonder if anyone can get it cause it's very slight, practically impossible. And there's another one too, that's a little more obvious. But anyways, I'll be sure to let y'all know where it is when the big reveal happens!_

 _Another thing, yea basically the end intended they consummate their marriage. I've read a bunch of arranged fics (especially historical ones) that don't have them consummate it cause Sasuke's like 'awww, imma let her adjust I'm not **that** evil'. I'm not bashing anyone, I just feel the mentality of that time is to have an heir ASAP, especially a dead clan like his and since they're both from very important clans. It's kind of like resigned acceptance from both ends, they know they _**_have_** _to, it's just about who makes the first move._

 _ **The title is in Japanese** , it means Wabi-Sabi which basically means finding beauty within imperfection. It's the Japanese view which embraces importance. This type of view finds beauty in the "imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete". OK and i used a bunch of Japanese words because I want to be respectful of their culture and as I've mentioned in my other fic, I'm a huge history nerd so I love learning about it. I mainly added it for the decoration of that time, I'll be sure to use it less as future chapters are posted. I'll just leave the definitions below (copied from wikipedia probably)._

 _ **Kimono-** a Japanese traditional garment_

 _ **Tsunokakushi-** is a traditional headwear worn in Shinto wedding ceremonies in Japan_

 _ **Byōbu-** Japanese folding screens made from several joined panels, bearing decorative painting and calligraphy_

 ** _Futon-_** _a_ _traditional Japanese bedding comprising a quilted mattress that is usually laid on the floor_

 **Chabudai-** _a short-legged table used in traditional Japanese homes_

 ** _Sudare-_** _screens or blinds_

 ** _Obi-_** _a sash for traditional Japanese dress, part of kimono outfits_

 _Anyways, short chapter as usual from me but see you soon!_


	2. Chapter 2

Sunlight fluttered through the windows when she awoke. She yawned and stretched her body and suddenly, she was aware of the soreness that presided all over her body, in places she had never even paid attention to. Her arms felt cold and quickly realized that her body was bare beneath the blankets.

The spot beside her was empty, and she knew it was for a while although she seemed to even doubt her husband was capable of excluding any warmth. Surprisingly, it wasn't the memories of his cold fingers that caused her to shiver unexpectedly, but it was his cold demeanour. Really, it was kind of overwhelming as she tried to process all that had happened. She was married. To Sasuke Uchiha nonetheless.

Although he was not her dream husband, far from it, he was certainly a lot better than the Sasuke Uchiha that she had conjured in the inner workings of her own mind. He was an enigma that no one knew how to crack, and Hinata barely got a chance to glance at. The shadows seemed to be his cloak, effectively trapping anything outside from even having a chance to glance at him. He was alone, that much was for certain, as his entire clan was assassinated in one single night. It was almost chilling, actually, the emptiness and desolate feel of the compound. It was huge, definitely more than enough for two people. It was a bit comforting that they lived in the main compound, not like the larger units that were meant to house more than one family.

Many people, her own clan members being one of them, considered the annihilation of his entire family to be a blessing in disguise. After all, the treasures of a wealthy clan of hundreds had now befallen on one young man. He would not have to work a day in his life, the treasures that existed for him would last him a life time. On top of that, the security of protecting the last Uchiha was immerse.

 _"Perfect one, he is isn't he?"_

 _"Handsome face, skillful, and a wealth to match! He's a gift!"_

 _"Almost as if he was under the protection of Kami himself!"_

Hinata tried futilely to bring her body even closer together as she felt an involuntary shudder. These types of comments disgusted her, and she could not fathom the ability Sasuke had not to retch any time they were thrown at him.

Sasuke was truly mysterious, because he did the _opposite_ of what any person expected him to.

He worked hard, honing his natural skills to become a _Samurai_ much like the other members of his clan. He didn't live too lavishly and never bragged about his wealth, he did not embrace his sexuality and use it as an advantage, and he tried his best to sever his ties with the village at any possibility. It was laughable, really, how unexpecting his actions were, almost as if he were ripping apart and spitting upon the destiny the village had woven for him.

Hinata sighed as her eyes glanced towards the window. There was too much sunlight, she concluded, as it seemed to be midmorning, far later than her usual timings of sunrise. At this point, the nature of the situation hit her and she was left feeling utterly clueless. She wrapped her blanket around herself tightly as she began to make her way up. She stifled a groan at the soreness that existed in her legs and blushed profusely at the memory of what happened.

There was a small cupboard, and she opened it to unveil all her kimono's neatly tucked inside. Grabbing one that seemed suitable enough, she made her way into their shared bathroom. There, she found the water in the wooden bucket to be surprisingly warm. Unconsciously she smiled. She didn't know whether it was the water leftover from his own bath or he did it wholeheartedly, she was overjoyed that she wouldn't have to bathe herself with cold water.

Just as soon as the water touched her body, the guilt came just as fast. Already, she had such defeatist attitude towards her predicament and a negative attitude towards her new spouse, yet she hadn't given him a chance. And already, he seemed to express his kindness through his actions rather than his disposition.

Gently, she touched her hands to her lips again, blushing as she remembered how warm his lips were compared to the rest of him. _They serve as a reminder,_ she thought optimistically. The way they were unexpectedly surprising; and how their gentleness had eased her erratic heart, brought her _peace_. Maybe, she considered, as she got to know him, dig down and see him, he will be continue to surprise her in a positive way.

Quickly, yet thoroughly, she finished cleaning herself, putting on the _kimono_. She was already lacking; he might've been awake for hours yet she hadn't prepared his breakfast, helped him get ready, given him her time. Taking her comb, one that had belonged her to her mother, she parted her hair down the middle and gently combed through the long, thick strands. Although this habit had been hardened into her since birth, she felt especially keen about her appearance today. After all, she didn't want to look horrible, on the contrary she wanted to look good. She wanted to try to appease every aspect she missed with her skills to hopefully make up with her appearance.

Gathering herself, she slid open the _shōji_ and quietly stepped out. Glancing around, she wasn't surprised by the emptiness.

 _He's probably somewhere else_ , she mused. The main building itself was enormous, the compound was almost unthinkably large. Taking small steps at first, her movement soon became a brisk walk as she looked in various rooms, searching for him. Careful not to go upstairs as he had warned, she moved outside, hoping that he might be in the adjoining and abandoned buildings. Stepping out the front foyer, she carefully walked past them, a daunting feeling building in her stomach as it became clear he wasn't there.

"Sasuke-san?..." her voice inquired feebly.

No answer.

The magnitude of her solitude hit her almost suddenly, as the heaviness of the prior events started to weigh her down, the previous elation she soared upon was now replaced by the chains of reality.

"Sasuke-san?" her voice gained momentum as did her feet.

No answer.

"Sasuke-san?"

No answer.

 _"Sasuke-san?!"_

 _No answer._

The loneliness she tried escaping from caught up far too soon. The wind seemed to be her only answer, as it made her apparent of the wetness in her eyes, the heat in her cheeks, and the ache in her chest.

* * *

"Ah... I _always_ knew you were a scaredy cat! And a klutz!" Naruto jeered rather joyously, reacting this way to one's best friend being severely injured wasn't normal, but when had Naruto ever been normal?

"Shut up." Sasuke simply murmured.

"Hey, _I_ didn't whoop your ass!" he answered irritated, "I should've just let them kill you, you ungrateful bastard."

Sasuke ignored his friends boisterous claims as he clutched his left arm while Iō hurried to stitch the wound on his back. In all honesty, Iō was a calm and collected man, but even he grew nervous around these two individuals.

One, because they rarely ever came through the door, and he had been accustomed to most of the _Samurai_. Second, these two were hailed, surpassing even the most experienced warriors. Their skill was unrivalled, and many of Konoha's victory was because of them. It was stifling even to be in their presence, knowing they could strike him down even with the most simplest of assaults.

Yet, what also surprised him was their personalities. Sasuke's stoic figure was known almost internationally, and his irritable attitude much the same. However, around the eccentric, yellow haired male he was surprisingly calm and much more lighthearted, the annoyed attitude he showed was clearly done in amusement. Naruto was another thing overall, but he brought a sense of warmth upon the medic's being.

He had heard the commotion when the bright man had practically dragged his fellow into seeing some help, even with the latter's incessant mumblings of 'I'll be fine" and 'I can take care of myself'. That put a sense of stress on him, as he felt he was obligated to do the task to the utmost of his abilities or he would surely disappoint.

After finishing and disinfecting the wound, the last Uchiha "hn'd" and walked away. Iō simply stared at him while Naruto dropped a few gold coins and said, "don't worry, you did great" while winking and following his ill tempered friend. Iō turned red and bowed, grateful that someone of such high caliber had been so kind.

"You going home now?"

Sasuke remained silent while Naruto punched his shoulder in annoyance. "I'll take that as a yes."

As they continued on their way, a realization alighted within Naruto's head as he glanced at his friend closely. Feeling his gaze, Sasuke sighed and turned his head to meet Naruto's grinning face.

"Running home to the _madame_ , eh Sasuke?" he stated wiggling his eyebrows and nudging him with his elbow "You're an asshole that didn't even invite me to the wedding."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, repeating his explanation for what felt like the millionth time, "I told you, we weren't allowed to."

"Whatever. But for real though, when will you introduce her?"

Sasuke didn't reply as he kept walking, Naruto following in suit. "Say, why'd you go _there_ though? You got what you need at home."

Again, there was simply silence.

"You shouldn't see her anymore, you know."

At this, Naruto finally gave up the conversation, knowing he wouldn't get an answer. The part where their paths divided, he punched him on the shoulder one last time. However, before Sasuke could move, he gripped his shoulder, looking into his his eyes earnestly.

"I know we're both stubborn... but don't be afraid of change."

Sasuke simply blinked, but Naruto knew he had gotten to him, he was the only person who could, anyway.

"And don't be an asshole."

At this, he let go and folded his arms behind his head, casually walking away towards the afternoon sun. Sasuke shook his head, knowing he was too tired to think things too deeply.

He just didn't know know _what_ to think about, if he was to be completely honest. He hadn't known his wife for long enough for him to even consider her. Nonetheless, never in his life had his brain ever _thought_ of halting _._ His thoughts were in a disarray, something that rarely happened. For one, it was his situation. Everything had happened so suddenly, even his normally quick wittedness had had trouble focusing on one thing entirely. That was why he had been glad for the mission, a simple one. The two week length gave him time to separate himself and analyze, to detach this sudden, living, breathing responsibility.

However, it hadn't been much help.

He had gotten injured and he hadn't remembered the last time he had gotten so badly hurt since Naruto and him sparred. It was his vision, it had seemed as he couldn't see through his peripheral, his hawk like eyes had failed him for a split second. That second, however, proved to be more vital than it seemed.

But, now, his vision seemed fine, back to normal and this boggled his mind just the same.

His steps eventually brought him to the edge of the village, the beginning of his home. He stared at the gate intently, focusing on the uchiha emblem marked upon it. For yet another unpredictable second, the fan seemed to burn aflame, and he rubbed his eyes, this time certain he needed rest.

* * *

He really thought he had lost his mind when he saw his mother there, in front of the stove, seemingly cooking while lightly humming. Her hair was as dark and as long as he remembered, and the skin illuminating from her hand was as snowy as he knew. Standing there in the doorway, he uncharacteristically narrowed his eyes.

When she turned, the eyes shone through and he couldn't remember if his mother's eyes had ever been so bright.

"Ah, you're back," Hinata said, smiling slightly while bowing, "welcome home."

Sasuke's eyes followed her movements, noticing how ethereal she looked. He always knew she was beautiful, but now that the white powder, drawn eyebrows, and red lips were removed, she truly excluded radiance and beauty. She was wearing a comfortable kimono, unlike the elegant ones he had seen her family bring, noting it suited her homely and familial nature more.

"I-I'm sure you're h-hungry," she was red at his lack of reply, "I'm actually p-preparing lunch, why d-don't you... um, clean up and get seated."

* * *

Settled in front of the table, Hinata could feel his eyes boring into her own, as she began to set up lunch. Every single action she did carefully, worried that his piercing gaze was either silently judging her, or would cause her to make an embarrassing error. Her hands shook with nervousness, as she placed the steaming plate in front of his still monotone expression.

One other unsettling fact resolved to stay within her heart, as she wondered whether the lunch she had prepared was adequate. She hadn't been expecting him to arrive so suddenly, she had believed she was going to eat lunch alone like she had for the past two weeks. Then again, he _had_ told her not to worry about his tastes and preferences when it came to meals, but nonetheless, the never-ending worry still resided.

However, along with that another feeling was blooming within her, one that she had been doubtful she would ever have. The feelings of frustration and abandonment began to manifest in those two weeks she spent alone. Although this frightful beast was always thwarted by understanding, after all, he owed her nothing and her the same, she nonetheless could not shake off the feeling of intense disappoint. She had felt a multitude of feelings the morning she woke, she had guilted herself into looking presentable and attractive for _him_ and all those expectations had disappeared along with him.

She sighed, at her feelings as she struggled with the part of her that always sought out the best in others, with another newfound part which chastened her to embrace her feelings of rightful annoyance.

 _He has not promised you anything..._

 _Yea but who leaves their spouse on the day after their wedding?!_

 _He's been through a lot and is going through even more_

 _Would a simple note be something too difficult to write?_

Hinata closed her eyes and shook her head, and when they reopened she saw him glancing at her with the same monotone expression. Blushing, she jittered to retrieve the jug of water and lifted it until she heard him speak,

"The flower."

"Huh?" she bluntly stated, looking into his eyes. Before she had a chance to recuperate and reform her bewilderment, his voice spoke again,

"There was a flower, where is it?" his voice elaborated.

"A flower?" Hinata repeated, feeling quite dumb.

"Ah." he simply stated, standing up from his seated position to walk briskly past her.

At this, Hinata's nerve jumped as the previous anxiety returned with full force. _Oh no..._ her eyes darted as the fingers that gripped the water jug violently shook. She had unknowingly did the one thing she had tried in all her power _not_ to do. He was upset, and she felt foolish because she did not even know the cause of it. A precious flower, an antique of his mother, something important she had stupidly overlooked.

 _Is this how incapable I am?_ she wondered silently as she tried to gather her nerves. Maybe her family was right. All their constant critiques were justified and she had been to weak to even correct them. Worry was soon replaced by fear as she began to think about all that he could do when upset. Her shoulders shook as pictures of rough hands conjured in her mind.

Right then, the same fears she had seemed to materialize as _those_ hands, cold as she remembered, encircled her own round the jug. Her heart jumped and she flinched, as if preparing herself for the impact, yet instead felt the source drift away, taking the jug with it. She opened her eyes to see him calmly sitting across from her on the mat, pouring himself water from the aforementioned jug. She blinked in surprise, and saw the object of her dilemma placed in front of her.

The flower, or what to seemed to _be_ a flower. It's original blue colour had rotted, turning a brown colour instead. It was curved at its stem, shrivelled and dead. She picked it up, examining it carefully. She had been taught a few things about flowers, she loved to press them, but this one's name she could not place.

"Cut flowers that are generally taken care of last about a week," he spoke without looking up from his meal, "this one seems to have died long before then." Using his hands to grab the _onigiri_ on his plate, he bit into it, chewing silently while Hinata just gazed on with wonderment.

"Maybe the next one I leave will last longer?" staring into her eyes, she saw them unexplainably dancing with mirth and she swore she saw a ghost of a smile. Relief flooded through her being, as a wide smile unabashedly spread upon her own face as she realized he wasn't angry, on the contrary, he seemed lightheartedly mischievous, playfully pointing out her error and hinting at forgiveness and a chance to try again.

Most would scorn at the flower with disgust, yet she gripped it with delight. She knew, as she yet again glanced at his face which still seemed to contain a trace of liveliness, that this flower marked a turning point in this unfamiliar time in their lives. It's brown shade was comfort, it's shrivelled state anticipation.

But, above all, the almost unrecognizable blueness shone through the wilted flower, giving way to the blooming of a newfound hope.

* * *

 ** _Author's Notes:_**

 _Im alive! (barely) This year has been killing me y'all, I'm so sorry I'm so late omg. I wrote this chapter so long ago actually, I feel so bad I should've just posted it but I wasn't feeling it y'know. But, now I think it's pretty much done and I don't feel like delaying it anymore._

 _I'm sorry but this year is so crucial to me, so I can't guarantee when the next chapter will be updated. I've got a brief overview of what I plan to do, and some specifics down, but it's still far from a stage I feel comfortable. Wish me luck, I'm really struggling lmao._

 _Anyway, I swear every time some kind person dropped a review, I'd just feel guilty that I haven't posted, and honestly, it's been great motivation to get this chapter published. So please, never feel that I'm ignoring them or disregarding them, I cherish them truly. There are, of course, some things I'm iffy with in this chapter, and since my brain doesn't work 99% of the time, it'll bound to have spelling errors or even awk sentences. Never be afraid to just tell me, but I appreciate constructive criticism that most, so just gimme a reason you know? Although I'm saying it as if I've received any rude comments, but so far, thankfully, ya'll have been unbelievably kind and supportive so thank you :)_

 _ **Also , don't forget that nothing in this story is as it seems!** Even if you **think** you know what's going on, I don't recommend you to assume right away, **I'm trying to make it as misleading as possible lol** (I have no idea if I'm good at it though, even irl im bad at keeping surprises hehe)_

 _Another thing I struggled with was Hinata and Sasuke's reactions. I wanted to make Sasuke very dense, especially because this man hasn't really had another relationship or a family, so he doesn't really know what's right or wrong. And for Hinata, for her reaction, I wanted it to be realistic both to her character but also humanly realistic. Authors usually make her into this saint, but anger is undeniable especially if you've been left in that circumstance. And I don't want her to feel embarrassed over her feelings, anger and disappoint are natural and I want her to be accepting of those feelings. Also, if you haven't noticed, I'm trying to make her insecure, especially because during this period of time, women were even more chained and restricted so her confidence and ability in herself is lacking. I really want to focus on both character's growth._

 _Sorry for the rambling, I always feel like I have to justify what I wrote for clarification purposes. Alright see ya next time._

 _ **PS:** OK im not a big asian drama fan (I've seen only a handful in the last 2 years) but I watched this one called Shopaholic Louis and it was great? If anyone has something similar to that, please lemme know lol_


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